Your lessons that you adored to teach others, but not always listened to yourself.

Well, of course I hope you become a happy person. But why can’t you see that what you did was wrong. Why did you ever started it in the first place. If you were a real grown up you handled it different. I know you know I loved you. I loved you from the start. Day after day, year after year. I know you know. All those years. I know how you think about life and death. I know how you think about the littlest things and the big things. You learned me so much. Every day, your words and your lessons will be with me. For the rest of my life. You know that right? Even though you made me feel like a pig sometimes. I love your lessons. Your lessons that you adored to teach others (especially me), but not always listened to yourself. I care, I care so much that it hurts. Even though you may not think about me. No, wait. I know you think about me. You just don’t want to surrender. But it’s not a competition anymore. I closed those doors, I was blind. But you know… When a person gives his blind friend a one dollar bill and tells him it’s a hundred dollar bill, I’m positive he’d believe it. I mean, he may has his doubts. But he will believe you, it’s trust. 

In the end I will always carry every moment with me. I love you. But I think I have the right to say that you were wrong. Very wrong.

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After all the hatred, bullying and fights on high school. It all gets better. We outgrow the hate, we find what we love, we find who we love, we find ourselves. We get strong.

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It’s the day.. The day I want to feel loved again. I was simply so tired of love and searched it anywhere else. I was thinking love wasn’t my thing, not meant for me. All that kind of bullshit. Now I want you. I want you here. Here with me. You’ve always been my heart. And you’ve always known that. Time struggled by. Things happened. A lot of things happened. I was always yours. You were never mine. Or in some sort of way you were only mine. You are only mine. I always think you have some sort of plan. A plan where you create me. Me to be perfect for you. Me to be the one. You were, and you are molding me. Molding me. Molding me from a raw substance to something you find perfect. Shaping me and molding me. Into some perfect artificial object everyone wants to have. Into something everyone should be jealous of. I think I can never become such thing. I want to be perfect to you. I want to make you feel comfortable. I want you to want me. I want you to want to hold me. Not only in a sexual way. I want to feel warm. I want to feel loved. I want to feel like I belong. For you. All for you..

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My favorite pornstar and wife. Yes.

Most awesome quote:

Find what you love and let it kill you. - Bukowski

My life goal.

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Old laptop
Just got back from school camp. Tired as fuck. >>
Miracles happened.

and its just the first day of 2013. Gonna be a great year I hope.

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aaaaaand.. I’m 19, happy birthday to me:) >>